Ugh, it’s not a phase mom.
From 2013 to 2018, I found myself caught between two worlds—the one I lived online and the one I faced at school. Growing up during the rise of pop-punk and emo music, the internet, especially Tumblr and Twitter, played a huge role in shaping who I thought I was. Bands like Fall Out Boy, Pierce the Veil, and Panic! at the Disco were more than just music; they were my identity. But it wasn’t just about being a fan—it was about staying on top of the trends that defined our scene.
At the same time, I was also navigating a resurgence of new-wave pop-punk bands that capitalized on the grittiness of 90s grunge. The fusion of grunge and pop-punk gave us something new to rally around, a way to feel like we were part of something bigger than ourselves. Online, I felt like I could fully embrace it—curating a persona that fit perfectly into the scene I loved. My Tumblr was packed with moody photos, band lyrics, and reblogs that shouted to the world who I wanted to be.
But in real life, it was harder. At school, I was still trying to blend in with the “normal” kids, the ones who didn’t get why I wore so much black or cared about music so intensely. Balancing those two identities—my internet persona and my real-life one—became exhausting. I found myself constantly trying to stay relevant, chasing trends online to keep up appearances while trying to find my place in the real world.
Looking back, I realize how much time I spent walking that tightrope between fitting in with my friends who lived for the music and trying not to stand out too much at school. And while the internet made it easier to find my people, it also created pressure to always be on top of what was cool.
Now, I see teens doing the same thing, except with Y2K trends that cycle even faster. Where we had a few months to let things settle, today’s trends rise and fall in days, thanks to platforms like TikTok. It’s strange to think about how much the internet shaped my identity back then, and I can’t imagine how much more intense that pressure must be now.
And now, at 24, that emo kid is still very much a part of who I am.
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